Risk
by Smokeye
Summary: "To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." Anonymous...Previously known as "Valentine's Night"
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy**

**A/N: One shot for Valentine's Day, I've spent the last two hours writing this I was so impatient to post it that I've not cross checked it, so I'm really sorry for the grammatical mistakes, I'll correct it later.**

**Happy Valentine's Day and Anti-Valentine's day, if you don't celebrate like me. I hate this day because when you're single you feel like sh*t.**

* * *

_Prologue_

Addison looked up from her book when Joe places a drink in front of her.

"I've not ordered anything."

"It's from the gentleman at the bar." He said pointing at the man who was looking at their direction, the man smiled at Addison and raised his glass as greeting.

"Thanks Joe, can you please call a taxi for me?"

"Sure." Joe said before going.

"Hello" A voice greeted Addison a few minutes later.

Addison looked up from her book and saw the man who has offered her the drink. "Hi"

"May I sit at your table or are you waiting for someone?"

"No." She answered. "I mean I'm not waiting for anyone and yes you can sit." The man smiled and sat across from her.

"Thank you for the drink, by the way." She smiled

"Your welcome, it's always a pleasure to offer a drink to a beautiful woman as you." He murmured with sensual smile.

Even if Addison was flattered, she doesn't want the man to think that he has a chance with her. "I'm married." She said while showing her left hand.

"I'm just telling the truth you're very beautiful and you don't have to worry about your virtue, I just want to talk unless you prefer to be alone."

She closed her book and put it aside. "No, talking is good."

He smiled. "Great, if you are married how come you're alone on Valentine's Day?"

Her expression changed from happiness to sadness. "My husband is on-call tonight." That's the official version that he gave her but she knew better. "He is a doctor. A patient's life is more important than anything else." Well at least this year, she thought, because in the previous years she has been his number one priority on Valentine's Day.

"I'm sure there are other doctors in the hospital."

"I know, but he has a God complex; he does not stop working until he has saved everyone."

"What about you?" He asked.

"Me?" She said. "Let say that he doesn't think that I need to be saved, he only see me as a strong woman and independent."

"It's good to be strong and independent."

"I agree, unfortunately my husband think that I don't need him because I can't cope by myself, but he is completely wrong, I need him always have and always will."

"Do you really need him?" He asked.

Addison frowned. "If I did not need him, I would not have spent half of my life with him, I would not have followed in this rainy city and I would not have waited patiently for him to notice that I exist." She hurriedly said.

"How would he know if you don't tell him?"

"I'm too proud to tell him, I don't want to seem desperate and needy."

"Needing someone isn't a sign of weakness, everyone need someone."

"Except that my husband doesn't need me. I'm only a burden, a liability." She said. "What do you do in life?"

"I'm a doctor." He answered, accepting her change of subject.

"Psychologist." That would explain many things.

He raised an eyebrow. "No."

"So why is it so easy to talk to you?"

"Perhaps it's due to all the alcohol you've consumed."

"Perhaps." She chuckled. "Well, let's stop talking about me and my boring life. What are you doing here all alone in a bar on this special night flirting with a married woman; don't you have a wife or a girlfriend waiting for you at home?"

He took a drink from his glass before answering. "I have a wife, but I do not think she's waiting for me."

"Why?"

"I lied to her saying that I was working tonight."

"Trouble in paradise." She inquired.

"Things are not going very well between us, so I don't find it logical to celebrate love if I don't know if she still love me, I have not even given her a gift." He said.

She sighed and looked down. "My husband has not given me one either, during the last fifteen years spent together he has always offered me something but not this year." She was pretty sure that the intern has received the gift that should have been hers.

"Were you sad?"

She kept her eyes down at her nearly empty drink. "At work, seeing people receiving gift and be happy has made me sad, I've remembered that I used to be like them.

"I'm sorry."

She dismissed his word with her hand. "It does not matter, it's been a while since I've last received something from him and I'm not only talking about gifts." She took a drink from her glass and pouted. "I think today is the worst Valentine's Day I've ever had."

"You're exaggerating."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not, actually I should have been with my husband getting drunk and having sex like mad at home or in the current case in the tin box that he dares call home, instead I'm alone in a bar, drowning my sorrow in alcohol. I feel like shit, I've the feeling of being…"

"Who?"

"No-one." She's not and never will be like Meredith.

"I agree that Valentine's Day is not the one you used to have this year, but I'm pretty sure that next year will be different."

"Do you really think so?" She asked hopefully.

He nodded. "You can't say that you are alone, I'm here."

"I can be surrounded by millions of people, but I'll always feel alone as long as I don't have my husband next to me." She murmured. She has not realized how much she missed him until now.

"Do you still love him?" He asked.

"With all my heart and soul." She said sincerely.

"Then everything will be alright between you two."

She looked at him with a doubtful expression. "I don't think so."

"Just believe." He said. "Believe in your love, believe in all these years spent together and believe that your husband needs you too, just believe and be patient, he will come back to you." Addison stared with a confused expression at the man across from her; she really wanted to believe him but things are not so easy."

"What about you, do you still love your wife?"

"She's my soul mate, I'll always love her."

"Dr Montgomery, your taxi has arrived." She looked up at Joe's voice and smiled at him. "Thanks Joe."

"It's time to go now." She murmured sadly, she reluctantly stood up and put on her coat. "Goodbye." She sadly murmured.

She slowly walked towards the exit. "Wait." She stopped and out of her peripheral vision she saw him approached.

"What?" She asked, he was so close that she could smell his perfume and was making her feel dizzy, she struggled to drag air into her lungs, her skin on fire.

"Spend the night with me." He murmured.

"What?" she asked with a shock expression. "Why?"

He sighed. "Because no one deserves to be alone on Valentine's Day."

They stood a few seconds in silence looking at each other. Addison looked up and saw a hopeful expression in his eyes, the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen. In normal circumstances, she will have refused without hesitation, but tonight was different and she doesn't want to be alone in a trailer out of nowhere, wondering what her husband is going.

"Yes." She answered.

* * *

As soon as the door of the hotel room shut he kissed her long and urgent her whole body quivered in appalled reaction, he removed his jacket as Addison removed her coat. He trailed his lips on Addison's neck and licked her pulse making her moaned. He ripped the zip of her dress down, eased it off her shoulders then he slowly removed her underwear, he guided her towards the bed and gently pushed her on the bed. He stood and looked down at Addison eyes full of hunger. Addison suddenly feels shy under his intense stare.

"You're beautiful." He said, he undressed himself and joined her in the bed. His hands and lips were all over her, his long fingers knotting in her hair, travelling up and down her body. Her eyes were closed, her body trembling with an overload of sensation, it has been too long since somebody has touched her with so much care and desire. She opened her legs to wrap them tightly around him, with a thrust - which took her breath away - he was suddenly there, filling her completely. Addison closed her eyes savoring the sensation when he began to move inside her. She moaned with pleasure as she felt her climax begin to build. Her contractions were fierce and strong around him

"Oh god!" She cried out when an orgasm hit her.

* * *

The next day, when she wakes up, Addison quickly get dressed - while silently praying that her one night-stand doesn't wake up - and left the room, once outside the hotel she took a taxi, as she has time before going to work she asked the driver to drive her at the trailer.

Once she arrived at the trailer, she gets out of the taxi and asked driver to wait for her as she had left her car at the hospital's parking lot. On entering the trailer, Addison was relieved to see that Derek was not here. She quickly changed her clothes and put those that she has just removed - which still contained the scent of her lover - in the machine watching to erase all traces of the previous night.

Once she arrived at the hospital, she rushed into her office and closed the door behind her, when she turned from the door she was surprised to see a beautiful bouquet of red roses on her table. Addison looked suspiciously at the flowers, while wondering who has come in her office to put them there.

She dropped her bag on the table and took the small card attached to the flowers and read it.

_Believe in our love _

_D_

She smiled and thought that maybe she should start believing.

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**Review...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: GA is not mine**

**A/N: I've decided to continue this story**

* * *

_Believe in our love _

_D_

Addison threw the card on her desk and sighed. It had been a week since she had spent the night with Derek and a week since she had received a bouquet with these simple words of hope, and yet nothing had changed. It seems that things had worsened, Derek became more distant - as if it was possible to become more distant that he usually was - it was just so she could see.

In the evening - when he took the trouble to come at the trailer - he always came very late at night and early in the morning before she woke up. Addison was sick and tired of this situation. She can't continue to live with a husband who played with her heart, dignity and pride.

She left her office and headed to Derek office with determination. Once she arrived at the door, she entered without knocking and found her husband reading behind his desk. Derek looked up and glared coldly at her.

"You don't know how to knock."

Addison shrugged. "Why should I? I'm your wife and we don't have secrets from each other."

Derek sighed and put the paper he has been reading on the desk. "Addison ..."

Addison raised her hand to stop him. "We need to talk."

"Not -"

"I know I know, not now Addison. But I don't give a damn! We will have a conversation whether you want it or not and if you don't want to talk that's fine, I will do the talking and you will make sure to listen carefully."

"I don't have time."

"I'm sure if I was Meredith ..."

"Let's Meredith out of it." Derek said through gritted teeth.

"I don't know, after all, all your doing have something to do with her. By the way, was it why you slept with me that night? Because she was not available or maybe you've seen her with the vet? Was it for revenge that you have sex with me?"

"Don't be stupid Addison."

"I just telling the truth, it wouldn't be the first time that you used me." Addison took a seat across from him. "Listen Derek, this can't go on you're not making any effort to try to fix things between us."

"I'm working on it."

"You're pretending and you're not even a good actor. I'm not stupid Derek, I can see it by the way you look at me, your indifference towards me and the way you act when I'm around that you hate me." Addison nearly chocked when tears threatened to fall but she forced them back. "Why do you want to continue this game?"

"I..."

"Be a man and tell me that everything is over between us, sign the damn divorce papers and let's stop this masquerade that is not fooling anyone. Nobody will judge you if you leave me and go with Meredith, everyone knows that it is only a matter of time before you do it so to stop being selfish or a martyr, I'm strong and I'm prepared for the inevitable, I will suffer and even cry but I will survive."

"Are you done?" Derek said coldly. Addison felt like someone punched her in the stomach.

Addison stood up, suddenly feeling very tired and disappointed by Derek's attitude. "Today is our wedding anniversary, can you at least..."

"I'm not a hypocrite Addison."

"You're right, after all, a twelve years old wedding anniversary don't count." Addison took the exit and leave without looking at Derek.

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**Sorry for the mistakes**

**Suggestions are welcome :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: GA is not mine**

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews and PMs. **

**Sorry for the grammatical mistakes**

* * *

"Joe, another shot please." Addison asked waving her empty glass.

"I think that you've had enough for tonight, Dr. Shepherd" Joe said.

"Let me decide of that and you've already called a taxi for me, so I can drink as much as I want." Joe reluctantly poured another drink for her.

"Leave the bottle!"

Joe shook his head and placed the bottle in front of Addison. He sighed and watched her drink the tequila like water. He doesn't know her very well but he knew about her - thanks to the interns and other doctors - and whatever they says about her he knows that she was far from being Satan. He had watched her behavior towards her husband during the few times they had come together at the bar, she really seemed to be in love and regretted what she has done to put their wedding at risk. It's sad to see her so depressed and lonely. It must not be very easy every day to endure the presence of her husband's mistress and looks of pity or judgments at work.

"Tonight I've something to celebrate."

"Really?"

"Yep! My twelfth wedding anniversary."

"Whoah."

"Yeah, twelve years is a huge number. Some people give up on their marriage after an argument, a disagreement, because of the in-laws or other rubbish. Derek and I never gave up, not even when we started to spend more time at work than with each other, not even when we stopped communicating or when we cheated on each other. After all that bad times we're still married, do you know why? "

"No."

"Me neither."

"Maybe it's because you're still in love with each other?"

"I love my husband but he doesn't love me, he's in love with his twelve years old dark and twisty blond intern." She said sadly.

"I'm sure he still loves you."

Addison shook her head. "There's so much hatred in his eyes every times he looked my way, but whenever Meredith Grey is around he stared at her as if she's the eighth wonder of the world. Why doesn't he love me, Joe? I'm beautiful, talented and funny, and yet ..." She took a sip from her glass and smiled in defeat. "I gave up so much to come here. I left my practice, my beautiful and comfortable home, my hundreds of beautiful shoes, my friends, everything for my husband. At the hospital I accept the gossip about me, control my jealousy whenever I saw him smile at Meredith Grey and I live in a trailer that smell like dead fish in the middle of nowhere. But it seems that it's not enough."

"I'm sorry."

"Everybody's sorry for me but others say that I deserve everything that happens to me, do you think that I deserve it? Do you think that in my previous life I did something wrong that why I'm suffering so much?"

Joe just stared at Addison because he doesn't know what to say. He doesn't understand how Dr. Shepherd could abandon his wonderful wife for another woman. He doesn't say that he dislikes Dr. Grey, he really appreciated her - after all she was one of his loyal customers - but Dr. Grey was too emotionally unstable for Dr. Shepherd to sacrifice everything for her.

"I think it's time to go."

"The taxi has not arrived yet."

"I'll wait outside."

"It's cold outside."

Addison chuckled and stood up. "I do not think it's colder than my husband's behavior towards me. How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house; let's say it's an anniversary gift."

"Thanks, the greatest gift will be to have my husband back, but it's too much to ask. Goodbye Joe."

* * *

Miranda walked in the emergency department's nurses' station with a mug of coffee in hand, and took a seat. The snowy weather and ice on the road has transformed an already busy night into a chaotic one, the number of admissions has considerably increased, there is even a crash that has occurred on the motorway and till now they don't know the number of victims yet Seattle Grace had sent out a mobile team to the scene. To meet the patient's needs extra staff had been called in to assist, some doctors who aren't supposed to be on-call tonight have been paged. That makes Miranda wonder where Addison is, she should have been here since long. She raised her head and saw Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey involved in a conversation. Miranda shook her head and sighed, maybe it's better that Addison has not arrived yet so she doesn't have to see her husband flirting with the intern.

"Can we accept…?" the intercom at the nurses' station came into life.

"We're listening." A nurse answered.

"She's just been found at the accident scene, trapped in a car…Jane Doe, in her thirties, hypothermic, unconscious"

Miranda was already standing up. "Dr. Shepherd you're coming with me." She ordered. Derek silently followed Miranda outside at the ambulance bay.

They both stood silently for a few seconds then Miranda turned to stare at Derek with disgust.

Derek crossed his arms and stared back. "What?"

Miranda raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm not allowed to look at you now."

"You're looking at me as if you have something to say, just say it, you never hesitated before so don't start now." Derek said with sarcasm.

"You can tell me what you're doing here."

"I'm waiting for the ambulance."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "You weren't supposed to be on call tonight, so why you are here instead of being with your wife? Which man would leave his wife alone on their wedding anniversary?"

"Dr. Bailey, I do not think ..."

"Yes! I think that's your problem, you don't think. Why do you keep hurting this poor woman?"

"She is far from being poor ..." Derek mumbled.

"I think you've never loved her."

Derek frowned angrily at her. "How can you say that?"

"If you have love, you will never have let her suffer like that."

"She made me suffer too."

"I accept that she has made a mistake, but it was just for one night. You screwed up every day, running after another woman in front of your wife, ignoring her or calling Satan. "

"My life is not of your concern."

"It's if what you're going is hurting my friend."

"Addison has only been here since a few weeks and she is already your friend."

"Yes, she needs someone to defend her because her husband is unable to do so, too busy running after a teenage girl." She snapped.

"I..." He stopped when he saw the ambulance approached. It halted in front of them, the driver opened the doors, they saw another paramedic going a cardiac massage on the patient, she was intubated and she had a blanket around her. They pulled the stretcher out of the ambulance, raised it, Miranda took over the cardiac massage and they headed to the resuscitation area.

When they reached the resuscitation area, they lifted her onto the hard resuscitation bed Miranda halted for less than a second when she saw a wave of wet dark auburn hair spread on the bed, she removed the blanket from the patient and was shocked to see that she was wearing the same clothes that her redhead friend has worn today.

"She was unresponsive when they found her, she arrested when we moved her from the vehicle." The paramedic informed Derek who was busy looking at the patient chart.

"Do we have an ID?" Derek asked.

"Dr. Shepherd." Miranda said weakly.

"Yeah."

"It's Addison."

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	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: GA is not mine**

**A/N: Thanks for all your supports, Love you all XOXO**

**Unbetaed**

* * *

**_Men of ill judgment ignore the good that lies within their hands, till they have lost it. -Sophocles_**

_"She was unresponsive when they found her, she arrested when we moved her from the vehicle." The paramedic informed Derek who was busy looking at the patient chart._

_"Do we have an ID?" Derek asked._

_"Dr. Shepherd." Miranda said weakly._

_"Yeah."_

_"It's Addison."_

Upon hearing this, Derek looked up and stared at the body on the bed, her name resounded in his head.

"Do you know her?" The paramedic asked.

"Doctor Addison Montgomery-Shepherd." Miranda said in a strangled voice. "She works here."

Derek felt like a train had passed over him, he could hear from afar Dr. Bailey and the paramedic but he was too paralyzed to react or think properly. He could not believe what Dr. Bailey had just told him, and yet, he would recognize these hair from thousands others and her left hand - that has slid from the blanket when they have laid her on the bed - wore her engagement ring and the wedding ring that he had given her, exactly twelve years ago.

Addison was surrounded by doctors and nurses, he stood here and watched them cut her wet clothes and undressed her, connected tubes with her, gave her a cardiac massage. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, he has never felt some helpless in his entire life.

Dr. Bailey touched his arm and shook him a little. "You're not allowed to stay here." Miranda looked at him with compassion, he was frozen on the spot like a statue with his eyes fixed on the patient - patient - because even if Addison was her friend and that it hurt her to see her in this state, Miranda has to put her feeling aside and considered Addison as a patient who absolutely need to be saved.

"Dr. Shepherd."

"I-I have to-I need to stay." He finally managed to say.

"No, you are the patient's husband and the procedure -"

"I'm also a doctor, I have to save her." He said taking a step towards the bed, but Miranda intervened.

"We've enough doctors here and you're not allowed to be here."

"Miranda, I...It's my wife."

"Derek looks at me." She took his head in her hands and looked straight in his eyes, "I'll stay with her and I'll do everything in my power to save it. Go to your office or an on-call room and wait until I come to see you. I know that it'll be difficult and unbearable to wait but you can't stay here." She firmly said.

"Okay." Derek reluctantly agreed. "Miranda ..."

"I'll do everything to save it." She repeated.

"But if ..."

"I'll come to see you." Derek looked at Addison one last time and left.

* * *

Meredith stared at the on-call door with her hand on the doorknob, Derek has been inside for hours and she really wanted to get inside to keep him company. Dr. Montgomery Shepherd's accident has shocked everyone so it must be ten times worst for Derek and staying alone at such a time was not good for him. After a few seconds of hesitation, she turned the doorknob and entered. She saw her ex-lover sitting on the bed; head in his hands and deep in thought. He doesn't seem to have heard her; Meredith closed the door behind her and sat next to him.

She put her hand on his shoulder. "Derek." Derek looked up at her with blood shot eyes and messy hair.

"Meredith."

"I heard about Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." Her heart ache every time she said his wife's name, she still could not accept that Derek had someone in his life and it's not her.

"Are you ok?" Derek dropped his gaze to the floor and shook his head. Of course he is not alright, Meredith silently thought, his wife is between life and death. She pulled her hand from his shoulder and remained quiet. She wanted to comfort him but she did not know what to say, after all, it was her rival who was in a critical condition. She turned and looked at Derek, he was staring into space and seemed really broken - which really surprise her because Meredith know that he no longer loved his wife and he stayed with her out of duty, then why was he behaving like that?

"I'm sure she'll be alright, she seems to be a fighter." Although Meredith does not like Dr. She-Shepherd and she wanted her out of her life, Meredith was not cruel to wish her death.

"Today is our twelve years wedding anniversary... Twelve years ... Twelve years ago she became my wife, she became mine. She's part of me. I don't want to lose her now; I'm not ready to lose her."

Meredith felt her heart sank; it was not easy to hear Derek talking about her like that. But what did he really mean by that? He does not want her to die or he does not want a divorce?

"You can't always get what you want. Sometimes you have to let fate - "

He raised his head and stared at her angrily, his usually so warm and cheerful eyes were now dark and threatening. "Fate?" He asked through gritted teeth. "My wife, who a few hours ago was on her feet, was healthy, was a ball of energy, is currently on a hospital bed, pale and unconscious connected to some machines to stay alive because she was at the wrong place at the wrong time and I have to accept it because it's fate. "

"I didn't say that, but we can't foresee everything Derek, we all think we're going to die old, surrounded by people we love and -"

"Addison isn't going to die tonight, do you understand? She will not die."

"I know it's not easy for you but you should expect the worst."

"SHUT UP!" Derek yelled making Meredith jump. She has never see Derek so angry before. "If you have nothing useful to say, I want you out."

"Derek."

"Go away." Derek ordered showing her the door.

Meredith stood and leaves him alone.

* * *

Once outside Meredith found herself face to face with Izzie. "Meredith, what were you doing with him, seriously, his wife just had an accident."

"Exactly, I was trying to cheer him up."

Izzie crossed her arms and sighed. "It isn't your job to do that. The guy might lose his wife, so the last thing he needs is to be comforted by his ex-mistress."

"Why do you say such thing?"

"Leave him alone Meredith, I know that you love him and you hate to see him so broken, but the last thing that Dr. Montgomery Shepherd wants to hear when she wakes up, is that her husband was with you in an on-call room while she was fighting to stay alive. "

"It is ..."

"Have you seen the Dr. Shepherd?" Miranda enquired when she reached the two interns.

"He's here." Izzie said showing the close door. "How is she?"

"Too early to say." Miranda replied, she looked exhausted. Miranda entered the room and took the place vacated by Meredith minutes ago.

Derek looked at her, eyes full of questions. "Miranda?"

"She has been moved to the ICU."

"What are the diagnostics? I am ready to hear everything. Don't hide anything" Miranda has not intended to, because he was a doctor so it will be difficult to do it and hiding something will not be helpful at all.

"She is very unstable, has broken ribs, the CT has shown cerebral swelling -"

"Brain is my specialty." He interrupted. "I'm the best in my field and I can't even take care of my wife." He raked his hand distractedly through his hair. "What else is there?"

"She bleeds during the surgery, we thought it was a hemorrhage but ..." Miranda took a deep breath before speaking again; it was easier to announce bad news to strangers than a person you were close to. "It was a miscarriage; we tried our best to -"

Derek eyes widened, disbelief written on his face. "Miscarriage, she was pregnant?"

"You don't know?"

"Do I look like a man who was aware that his wife was pregnant?" He stood and started to pace in the tiny room, he felt so angry towards Addison for hiding her pregnancy and at the same time he felt so sad and disappointed. He rubbed his face in defeat. "I need to see her."

"Of course." Miranda stood and opened the door. "Dr. Webber was with her when I left."

Miranda found the two interns where she has left them. "What are you doing here?"

"We ..."

"I don't want to know, just go." She hushed. "I don't want to see you again." Meredith glanced at Derek behind Miranda shoulder but he absolutely refused to make eye contact with her. She sadly followed Izzie.

Miranda turned to Derek. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

* * *

**A/N: So Addison was pregnant, poor girl :( ****BTW she doesn't get pregnant on Valentine's night, it was way before.**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: GA is not mine

A/N: Thanks for your reviews XOXO

Sorry for the mistakes

* * *

When they arrived at the ICU, Derek saw Richard and Adele in front of Addison's room.

"Derek." Adele chocked, she walked towards him and hugged him. Derek hugged her back, gladly welcoming the comfort. She pulled away and watched him with tearful eyes. "How are you?"

He was about to give a dismissive 'Fine,' only this was Adele who was asking and He never need to pretend with her "I don't know." Derek whispered, his voice trembling slightly.

Richard put his hand on him shoulder and squeeze it a little. "If you need anything just let us know."

"Thank you." Derek said, moved by their support, their generosity during this difficult time means a lot to him. "Addison's parents should be contacted, I had ..."

"I'll take care of it." Richard said. "Do you want me to call you family as well?"

"No, I'll do it. Once I've..." He trailed off, pointing at Addison's bedroom door. "I have to see her."

"Of course, don't forget that we are here for you, so don't hesitate to ask." Richard informed him.

He gave a small nod and turned towards the door. He was nervous, uncertain what to expect at the other side, he feared the worst. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

He approached the bed quietly, as if afraid to wake her up, even though he knew she was too drugged and in bed condition to wake up anytime soon. Apart from the tubes and bandages, she looked like she was sleeping peacefully. She looked so vulnerable and fragile in that bed. Seeing her like that brought tears in Derek's eyes, but he forced them back. He wanted to touch her but he was afraid to break her, break her physically, because emotionally he knew that he had broken her by his attitude towards her, since she was in Seattle.

He sat on the chair that had been placed near the bed and took her hand in his. Her hand was cold; he could see her veins through her skin.

"I'm so sorry Addison." He said, he tears he had been fighting finally broke free, he cried a deep, pained crying. "I'm so so sorry for everything."

Derek knew that Addison was in this hospital bed because of him. It was his entire fault that his wife's life was in danger. If only he had not hurt tonight, if only he had left work earlier and celebrate their birthday together, if only he had forgiven her, if only he had not forced her to leave New York and live at Seattle. So much 'if only' that could have changed a lot of things.

"I'm sorry. I swear when you wake up, I'll do whatever you want, I will go with you in marriage counselor and try better on our relationship, I'll be at home for dinner and spend time with you, I'll quit my job at Seattle Grace and I'll follow you wherever you want if you ask me too. But please don't leave me; I don't want to leave without you." He begged and cried with his head resting on the bed.

It seemed that hours had passed, when Derek felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Derek." Derek raised his head and looked at Miranda. Miranda was shocked to see him like that, he has bloodshot eyes and tears rolling down his cheeks. He seemed really affected and destroyed by Addison's accident. But it was a shame, he has to find himself in a situation like that to realize that he's still in love with his wife. "Derek, you need to get some rest."

"I can't." Derek said with hoarse voice. "I need to be here when she wakes up."

Miranda crossed her arms and looked at him with a severe expression. "You're a doctor; you know perfectly that she won't wake up anytime soon. Don't be so stubborn, I'm not asking you to go home, but find an on call room and get some sleep."

"But ..."

"Tomorrow you'll be able to sit next to her all day long if you want."

"I can't leave her." He said stubbornly

"Dr. Shepherd, it's an order. if you don't move I'll have to call the chief, who will kick you out of this room and you won't be able to come till to get some rest."

"You aren't so cruel." Derek murmured.

"Maybe." She sighed. "But I don't want you to end up in a hospital bed for exhaustion, one Shepherd as patient is already too much."

"Who will stay with her?"

"I'm on call tonight; I'll come regularly to see her."

Derek reluctantly stood and placed his wife's hand under the blanket. "If there's any change, you'll paged me." He asked without taking his eyes off of Addison.

"Of course." He leaned over and kissed his wife tenderly on the forehead.

Derek was heading towards the exit when he abruptly stopped and hugged Miranda. Miranda was so surprised by his action she did not know how to react.

He pulled away and smiled weakly. "Thank you for everything you're doing for Addison." He said before leaving.

* * *

During the days that followed, Derek took an on call room as residence. He left the hospital once to go to the trailer and pick up some clothes. He spent his time between consultations and Addison - who has been transferred in a single room, when she was out of danger - and he goes to the OR only when there were severe cases.

Addison's condition positively improved day by day, she passed all the tests with flying colors. Sometimes she would wake up but it did not lasted very long, but Derek was not worried that she spent her time sleeping, because it gave a chance to her body to heal faster.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come?" Since he has informed his family about Addison's accident, his sisters called him every day to hear from Addison. His mother had called him once, but he knew that it was just out of courtesy because since his mother has learned about Addison infidelity, her feeling for Addison has changed. But with her sisters things were different; they all seemed to agree that if Addison had cheated on him it was entirely Derek's fault.

"No Nancy, you don't need too." He answered through the phone.

"Have you been able to talk to her?"

"When I left the operating room they told me that she woke up and was able to communicate, so I'm-"

"Why are you still talking to me? Go see your wife."

"That's what I was about to do when you phoned me."

"Hang up, go and kiss her for us, tell her that we love her and that I'll call as soon as possible."

"Okay, bye." Derek said before hanging up and took the direction of Addison's room.

From the nurses' station, Meredith watched Derek go away. Since the night he had ordered her out of the room, Derek has hardly spoke to her, whenever he did it, it was only to talk about a patient.

"He's still ignoring you." Christina asked as she watched Derek.

"Since the accident, it's as if I don't exist. He spends all his time with his wife."

"He's only doing his duty as a husband; it's what everyone expect from him. I'm sure things will be different as soon as Dr. Shepherd gets better."

"I hope so."

* * *

"Hey." Addison turned her head towards the door and saw her friend.

"Miranda." Addison smiled; glad to see a familiar face. "I'm happy to see you."

Miranda approached the bed and sat on a chair. "I'm happy to see that you're finally up, I come as fast as possible when they told me that you've finally waken up from your beauty sleep. I'm surprised you're alone, I thought your husband would be already here."

"How are you?" Addison asked not wanting to talk about Derek.

"I should be the one asking this question. I want to take you in my arms but I don't want to hate you."

"I'm sure that a hug won't kill me." Miranda stood and gave Addison a quick hug. She pulled away and took her seat again.

"They told me that you were among the doctors that take care of me after my accident...I... "

"I've done my job, and do you really think I'd let my friend die. I'm very stubborn, I wouldn't have stopped until you've been saved. How are you? Do you feel nauseous or -"

"I'm a little sore that's all but what matters is that I'm alive, right?"

"Yeah. You've no idea how happy I am to see you alive. When they brought you here after the accident ... " Miranda trailed off unable to continue. "You were so...I know I'm repeating myself but I'm happy."

"Miranda be careful, you're going soft. Don't let your interns see you like that."

"My baby has turned me into a marshmallow." Addison's expression turned somberly at the mention of her baby. "You've been inform of-"

"My miscarriage?" Addison cut off. "Yeah, they told me."

"Okay, who are 'they'? I mean you're awake since a few hours and you've been informed of many things."

"My doctor has told me about the miscarriage and my physical condition and the nurses told me the rest."

"I'm sorry." Addison nodded but said nothing. A few seconds later Miranda saw a tear running down Addison's cheek, she wiped it away quickly.

"It's stupid; I don't even know why I'm crying." Addison laughed without humor. "I mean, I didn't even know I was pregnant."

"You've the right to cry, you lost your baby."

"I'm an Ob/Gyn and I didn't even know I was pregnant. Yet, I should have known, last month I missed my period but I didn't pay any attention to it. I can't believe that Derek and I have been able to create a life in this chaotic relationship that we are in."

"I'm surprised that you've had sex, I'm sorry I shouldn't-"

"No, you're right, I'm sure everyone thinks the same thing. After all, it's incredible that Derek has been able to have sex with his adulterous bitch wife. It has happened only once, in a small box that he dares to call a shower, I don't even know if at that time he was thinking about me or her."

"Addison, please stop thinking about all these things, I can see that it's hurting you."

"I'm used of being hurt." Suddenly they heard someone knocking at the door.

"It's probably your husband. I'll see you later." Miranda stood up and walked towards the door.

"Wait!" Addison exclaimed.

"What? Something wrong?" Addison shook her head and took a deep breath, then another.

"Okay, you can open it now." Miranda opened the door, and as she suspected, Derek was here.

"Dr. Bailey, is Addison?"

"She's awake." She opened the door wider to let Derek enter, and then she left and closed the door behind her.

Derek stayed near the door and stared at his wife with intensity. "Hi." He silently cursed himself because he should have found a better think to say.

Addison raised an eyebrow at him, she had to survive an accident and was unconscious for days and that's all he has to say, a simple 'hi'. Maybe he has nothing else to say, he certainly wasn't happy to see her alive.

"Sorry." She said.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For being alive."

Derek rushed to the bed. "What are you talking about Addison? I've never wanted your death."

"At least you'd have got rid of me and could have gone in the sunset with her."

He wanted to take her hand but she prevented him from doing so. For almost two weeks, every time he came to sit at Addison's side, he had imagined the moment she will open her eyes, the words he would say to her, how he would react. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, he can't understand why he's unable to say a damn word.

"Addison, I didn't want you to die."

Addison chuckled drily. "Yet you don't seem very happy to see me."

"I'm ..." Seeing Addison's icy gaze, Derek suspected that no matter what he would say, she would not believe him. "Forget it. How are you?"

"You don't care." She snapped.

Derek sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. "Can you at least tell me what you were doing on the highway? It's not the road to the trailer."

"I was in a taxi, I was drunk and I did not want to spend the night alone in the middle of the forest. I decided to go to the hotel. How's the driver?"

"Fine, he left the next day." both avoiding the elephant in the room

"Do you need something?"

"I hate the clothes of the hospital."

"I'll get you some nighties. Anything else?"

"I want a divorce"


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy is not mine**

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews and encouragements XOXO**

**Sorry for the mistakes **

* * *

The next day, Derek was looking the landscape while leaning against the bridge's railway. Although the view was beautiful, he was too distracted to enjoy it. He could not refrain from thinking about Addison and what she had asked.

Yesterday, they had been unable to finish their conversation because they were interrupted by nurses who took Addison for some tests. Since then, he has not visited wife in order to avoid the conversation awaiting him.

"Nice view, isn't it?"

Derek looked next to him and saw Meredith who was also leaning against the railway. He has been too deep in thought that he has not heard her approached. "Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

Derek gave her a small smile. "Yes."

"How is Dr. Montgomery?"

"Shepherd, it's Montgomery-Shepherd, she is a Shepherd." _And it's not going to change any time soon, if I have anything to say about it, _he thought.

"She's good."

"Good." She paused. "I'm sorry for what I said on the accident's night."

"It's already forgotten."

"Whatever you have thought, I never wished her death."

Derek sighed. "I know."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, I know that we're no longer together but I can still see when something's wrong. Furthermore we are friends, right? I'm a good listener, you can tell me everything."

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"When I suggested that we become friends, I wasn't looking for someone I could talk to about my problems and share good times with. Being friends with you was the only way for me to keep you in my life and continue to talk to you without feeling guilty, while I was trying to be a good husband for Addison. I knew that our friendship was unbearable to her and yet... We can't go on like this."

"You don't want to be my friend, anymore."

"Not if I want to keep my wife, I'm sorry." He said before leaving her.

* * *

"Since our little chat he hasn't come to see me and it's been over 24 hours, he hasn't even bothered to bring me my clothes, it was a nurse who did it."

Adele rubbed Addison's arm in comfort. "You have to understand, he was anxious to see you awake, and what did you do when you woke up? Ask for a divorce."

"What was I supposed to do? Kiss him breathless and acted as if nothing had happened? The divorce paper should have been signed since long but my accident -"

"Maybe it's fate who wanted that."

Addison raised an eyebrow at her. "Fate? What fate-"

"Everything happens for a reason Addison. Your accident was a wakeup call for Derek; you should have seen him the days that followed your accident. He spent almost all his time in this room."

"Almost all the time, the other times he spent with Meredith Grey."

"No, he worked." Adele said to a very stubborn Addison. "Addison stop being so stubborn, I'm the first to agree that your relationship with Derek is not perfect, but he still loves you. Otherwise the divorce papers will be already signed."

Addison crossed her arms and shook her head. "He hasn't signed because he thought that pretending to give a second chance to his unfaithful wife will make him pass as a good guy. And for you information, he doesn't love me, he love the intern, he told me so at Christmas."

"You're wrong."

"If he loves me as much as you say, why hasn't he say it since I'm at Seattle, and yesterday he could have said it, instead he only said a stupid 'Hi '." Addison said throwing her hands in the air in frustration.

"Did you give me time to say anything else? Listen Addison, I know he has hurt you a lot since you're here, but Derek still love you even if you're too stubborn and afraid to realize it, just give him a chance to - "

"Oh my god!" Addison suddenly exclaimed.

"What's wrong?"

Addison stared through the window with wide eyes. "Is that...is that my mother talking to the nurse out there?" Adele turned her heard to watch as well. "Please tell me it's not my mother."

"I think it's her, well we called her so-"

"You called my mother?" Addison asked with disbelief. "But why? You hate me so much in this hospital."

Adele gave her a confused expression. "What's wrong with her, it's your -"

The door opened and Bizzy Montgomery made her entrance. "Finally I've found you. I spent hours looking for your room." She said with an irritated voice. "The people here are really incompetent; they're unable to explain-"

"Hi mother." Addison cut off with fake enthusiasm. "What a nice surprise."

"Hello darling." She crossed the room to Addison's bed and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. "I came as fast as possible when I heard about your accident."

"Really? Because it's been two weeks since my accident."

"When they called me the first time, I asked that they informed me when you wake up. I didn't want to come here only to watch you sleep, furthermore you know how much I hate hospitals.

"I think I'll leave you alone." Adele took her coat and bag from the bed.

"Mom, do you remember Adele Webber? Richard Webber's wife."

"Of course." The two women shook hands. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. See later Addison."

"Thank you for coming Adele." Adele smiled fondly at her before leaving.

Bizzy sat on the chair Adele deserted. "Your father could make it, he is very busy but he says that he'll call."

"Okay."

"So, tell me everything."

"What do you know?" Addison sighed, praying for her mother to leave as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, Adele was heading towards Richard's office when she came across Derek.

"Derek." She said before giving him a quick hug.

"Adele, it's good to see you."

"Thanks."

"You're here to visit that husband of yours."

"No, to visit your wife."

Derek nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "How is she?"

"Why don't you go and see by yourself?"

"I don't know if I can, you've no idea what-"

"She told me about the divorce."

"I don't want our marriage to end; I don't want to lose her."

"So stop being a coward and talk to you wife."

"I don't know what to say to convince her, I've hurt her so much Adele." Derek said looking ashamed.

"I'm sure you'll find the right words."

"I hope so, I'll go and see her now."

"I don't know if it's the right time, I just left her with her mum."

"Bizzy is here?"

"Yeah, Addison doesn't seem too happy with her presence."

"I bet. I think that I should go. See you later Adele."

"Bye."

"What are you doing in Seattle? You can't imagine my surprise when I was informed that you were in the other side of the country. My daughter didn't even bother to tell me she left New York. "

"I was a little busy lately."

"How did you get the courage to leave New York for the rainy city of Seattle? This city isn't made for you." Bizzy sighed then took Addison hand and examined it. "Look at you, you're so pale and-"

Addison removed her hand from her mother's. "Mother, I'm pale because I've not been in the sun for days."

"You didn't tell me what you're doing here."

"Derek is here, so where do you want me to be?"

"Derek? You mean you've followed him here."

"He is my husband, of course I followed him."

"Why?"

"He is my husband." Addison repeated.

"He left you without telling you where he was going. Besides, what's going on between you? Did he forgive you your infidelity?"

"No."

"So you'll divorce." Bizzy said. "I must admit that I knew it would happen one day or another, I'm just surprised that your marriage has survived during all these years. You came from two different worlds."

"Mom, I'm not in the mood to hear this." Bizzy had never really approved of her marriage with Derek and she never missed an opportunity to share her disapproval, but today Addison had no patience to listen to her.

"You're tired, you want me to call someone?"

"No, I'm fine."

"How long will you stay in the hospital?"

"A few days."

"Since your wedding is over, so you're going back to New York and when-"

"One thing at a time."

"Okay." Bizzy looked at her watch and stood up. "Sorry but I have to go." Addison silently thank God.

"So soon."

"Yes. Susan's waiting for me at the airport."

"Susan?"

"Don't tell me you forgot Susan."

Addison rolled her eyes. "I know very well who is Susan, but why is she waiting?"

"I decided to take a vacation. Las Vegas will be the perfect place for a little fun and as I don't want to go alone, I asked Susan to accompany me."

"Of course." Bizzy kissed her daughter. "I'll call you, bye." When she opened the door to leave, she found herself in front of Derek.

"Bizzy, It's good to see you." Addison mouth twitched in a quick smile at Derek's fake smile, he was really not a good actor.

"Why? Do you think I would not come to see my daughter?"

_Yes_, Derek silently answered, _since you haven't called once to ask about Addison's condition_. "I didn't say that. I'm glad to see you."

"You're not a good liar Derek, goodbye." She said before going.

Derek entered and closed the door behind him. "What is wrong with your mother?"

"She's being herself." Addison answered. "I don't even know why she came."

"What do you mean?"

"She spent a maximum of two minutes here and now she's gone. She never once asked me about my physical condition."

"Hmm."

"What are you doing here?" Addison asked.

"I no longer have the right to visit my wife."

"I'm just surprised, since yesterday you seem to avoid my room."

Derek rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "It's because -"

"Sooner or later, we'll have to talk about Derek."

"Not now Addison, why not talk about it when-"

"Okay run away, avoid the confrontation, that's what you do best."

"I'm not going to run away, but I don't want to talk about that now."

"I want to talk now."

Derek went to sit at the end of Addison's bed. "Why don't we wait till you recovered from your accident or at least when you go home?"

"Home? Do we really have a home Derek? I don't mean that tin box in the middle of nowhere, but a real home, where there is joy, good memories and love."

"I'm going to find an apartment or a house to buy before you were released."

"I don't want you to purchase a house."

"The trailer is too small and you can't go to a hotel for-"

"Where I go after my release doesn't concern you. I just want one thing, for you to sign the divorce papers."

"Why?"

"For the obvious reason. You don't love me."

"You're completely wrong. I love you."

"Whoah, I should have thrown myself in front of a bus months ago, if I wanted to hear say that you still love me." She said bitterly.

"Addie..."

"What do you want me to say Derek? A few days ago, you couldn't tolerate my presence and you were in love with Meredith Grey, excuse me if I doubt your sincerity."

"I swear it's true. I love you and I don't want to lose you." In spite of herself, her traitorous heart couldn't control the joy that his words produced. "When the paramedics brought you after your accident... you were lifeless and bloody...I felt..." Derek struggled to find the right word. "Destroy and guilty."

"Guilty?"

"It was completely my fault." Although Addison was angry against him, she could not let him say that.

"It wasn't your fault Derek."

"Yes it was, if that night I had accompanied you home-"

"It isn't your fault, okay?" Derek gave a small nod.

"This accident has its benefits."

"Yeah, I finally realized that I still loved you."

Addison rolled her eyes. "No, my accident has made me realize many things Derek. I've realized what matter and what don't, which people I want in my future and which I don't and I definitely don't want a husband who don't love to me." Derek opened his mouth but Addison raised her hand to shut him up. "I know that you want to differ, except I don't think that what you feel is love. It's only due to your superhero complex, you see me as a damsel in distress that you want to save. But I don't need to be saved Derek. You've done your duty as husband but you can stop, I'm fine now."

"Addison, there will be no divorce."

Addison hits the bed with her fists angrily. "Stop being so selfish!"

Derek stood up and started to pace. "If you think that loving you is selfish, to want you next to me till death do us part is selfish, then yes I'm selfish. I'm the most selfish guy in the world. I don't believe in this stupid quote that says 'if you love someone, set him free', I'm selfish that way."

"I know that I don't need your signature to proceed, right? I'll just sign and send it to the lawyer."

"So, go ahead signed the damn papers, I'll have six months left to prove to you that I still considered you as the love of my life." He said before storming away.

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: GA is not mine**

**A/N: Sorry for the lateness, and mistakes.**

**Thanks to each and everyone of you , for your reviews XO**

* * *

Compassion, a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. Izzie thought in order for doctors to do their job, they have to possess some. Doctors are not only here to heal or to save life, but they are also here to help, to listen and be compassionate.

Meredith and Cristina were having lunch in the canteen when Izzie joined them at the table. She puts her lunch tray on the table and a box. Her two friends looked at the box with curiosity.

"What's that?" Cristina asked.

"Cookies." Izzie replied.

"Are they for dessert?"

"No."

"Then why are you walking with a box of cookies?"

"It's for a patient."

"A patient? Are cookies a new method of curing against illness? I haven't read..."

"Cristina ...Who's the patient?" Meredith asked.

"Dr. Shepherd."

Meredith stared coldly at her. "Montgomery Shepherd? Why?"

"I'm going to visit her today."

"Why?" Meredith repeated.

"Because she's one of our boss and none of us has taken the time to do it. We need to have a little compassion for her."

"She stole my Mcdreamy and destroyed my life, why should I have compassion for her? I'm not a hypocrite." Meredith snapped. Izzie turned to look at Christina.

"I'm not a social worker and as a doctor I healed patients, I don't pity them." The Asian woman said.

Izzie shook her head; she did not understand how her friends could be so selfish sometimes.

* * *

Addison climbed out of her bed, waited a few seconds before taking small steps toward the window that give on the outside. From where she stood she has a good view, she could see that the weather was fine, which encouraged the people to go out and enjoy it as it's not every day that the weather was so generous in Seattle.

Addison looked at them with envy. She was bored. She could not stand to be locked between four walls with nobody to talk to and with no activity to distract her; she spent most of her time thinking about her life, Derek and so much more unhealthy things. She wanted to go outside and breathe some fresh air; she wanted to go far away from this room where she felt suffocated. Normally, she loved spending time at the hospital, but definitely not as a patient. She had to convince her doctor that she was well enough to leave. It is true that her ribs are still painful but nothing unbearable. She just need to rest and she could very well do that away from the hospital.

Addison's thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Yes." She called.

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd." Addison turned at Izzie's voice; She expected to see Derek, Miranda or one of Webber because they were the only who came to visit, she could not hide her surprise when she saw the intern.

"Dr. Stevens." .

"May I come in?" The blond shyly asked.

"Of course."

Izzie step inside and close the door. "I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"No, I'm just a little surprised to see you here."

"I understand." Izzie looked nervously around. "I brought homemade cookies." She puts the box on the nightstand.

Addison smiled. "Thank you, you didn't have to."

"I'm sure you want to eat something else other than hospital's food."

Addison grimaced. "Yeah, it's really disgusting, now I understand why the patients complained all the time."

"How are you?"

"I've been better."

Izzie smiled. "Do you need anything?"

Addison chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, I need to wash my hair, they are dirty and greasy. I need to find an activity, because I'm bored. I need to get out of this room, otherwise I'll..." Addison stopped when she saw Izzie watching her with wide eyes. "Sorry, I don't want to annoy you with this. I've the tendency to talk too much when I'm frustrated. "

"No, I understand. I would act the same way if I were you."

"How's work?"

"Great! I mean everything is going well...I'm not saying it's not great when you are around but..."

"Izzie relax, no need to justify yourselves, work is better when the boss isn't breathing down you neck. Can you do me a favor? If it isn't too much to ask."

"Of course."

"Can you find me a coat? I really got to get out of here or I'll go crazy and even though I'm sexy in my nighties, it wouldn't be very appropriate."

"Are you allowed to..."

"I don't know but I really don't care. I feel strong enough to go out." Addison walked a few steps toward the bed and grimaced. "Maybe I'll need a wheelchair too."

"I don't know if-"

"Please."

"Okay, I'll back in a few minutes." True to her words, Izzie came back minutes later. She pushed opened the door with the wheelchair. Once inside, she handed the coat to Addison.

"It's mine. Sorry if it looks a little..."

"Don't worry Satan doesn't always wear fur or silk." Addison joked, which makes Izzie giggled. "Can you just help me, please? My ribs still hurt." Addison stood and Izzie helped her to put on the coat.

"Thanks, that's very kind of you." Addison took the cookie's box, went to the wheelchair and sat down. "Just open the door, then I'll manage."

Izzie opened the door then step aside to let Addison exit.

Once outside, Izzie stared at Addison uncertainly. "Are you certain you can manage?"

"Yes, don't worry about me." Addison waved her hand dismissively. "You can go back to work and thank you again."

"Where are you going?"

"On the roof."

"The...The roof? Are you crazy?" Addison raised an eyebrow at her. "Sorry ... but I don't think it's safe to go out there."

"I'm used to go out there."

"Yes, when you are healthy and on your legs. Why don't you stay in the corridors?"

"I need fresh air, Dr. Stevens, not curious glances from everyone. I don't want them to see me so vulnerable and gross."

"You just had an accident; people won't expect to see you standing in one your beautiful Jimmy Choo and your hair done."

"I won't change my mind." Addison began to roll toward the elevator. Izzie watched her go before hesitantly following her. When Addison reached the elevator, she was about to press the open button when another hand do it for her. Addison raised her head and saw Izzie.

"I can't leave you alone and even if you say you're strong, it's risky to go there alone. You can faint or fall from the wheelchair, what if the elevator-"

"Okay Dr. Stevens I get the picture."

Once on the roof, Addison went to her usual place near the viewfinder.

"I've never been here before." Izzie said while she admired the view. "I've visited almost every corner of Seattle Grace, but I've never come to the roof. There are even viewfinders, it's great."

"Hmm." Addison replied absently.

"What's wrong? Are you cold? Are you...?"

"I'm okay." Addison stood and leaned against the wall. "It's good to feel the wind and the sun on my skin, and smell things other than hospital's products."

"It's true." Addison opened the box and gestured to Izzie to take one.

"No thank you." The blond said.

"You're lost." Addison took a cookie and ate a bit. "It's delicious."

"Thank you."

"It's really delicious."

"I love to cook, unfortunately I don't have time because of my working's schedule, but I always try to do it on special occasions."

"It's very kind of you to have done this for me." Addison said before picking another one. "Amazing, your homemade cookies are my favorite from now on. You know when you face death, you realize that life's short and instead of enjoying what it has to offer we waste our time on useless things."

"But sometimes it's these useless things that make our life interesting." Addison remained silence and continue to enjoy her cookies.

"My husband is driving me crazy." Addison said out of the blue. "He doesn't want to divorce. I have almost begged him but he says he still loves me."

Izzie stared at Addison, wondering why she told him that. Addison felt Izzie's eyes on her and looked at her.

"Sorry, you probably don't want to hear these as you're Dr. Grey's friend so..."

"Have you signed the divorce papers?"

"No."

"Why don't you sign first? Maybe he'll realize that you're serious and he'll finally sign."

"I don't know."

"Or maybe you don't want to divorce after all, I mean if you really wanted to end your marriage you will have send the already signed papers by mail instead of coming to Seattle and try to make things work with Dr. Mcdrea- Shepherd."

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life and saw the disgust, betrayal, hatred and disappointment in his eyes every time he looks at me, I can't bear it."

"Maybe he has forgiven you."

Addison chuckled. "I'm not so damn lucky. The others don't understand, they keep telling me to give him another chance because he still loves me, because he was here for me after my accident and so on, but how can I give another chance to someone who left you to start a new life, who had a relationship with another woman behind my back, who called you Satan."

"I don't know."

"Sorry for bothering you with that, it's just all my friends are far away from me and I needed to talk to someone. In moments like these I feel so alone."

After work Izzie hurriedly followed Dr. Bailey at the exit. "Dr. Bailey." She called after her. "Dr. Bailey."

"What do you want Dr. Stevens, I've a baby who's waiting for me so I really don't have time to..."

"I want to be assigned to Dr. Shepherd tomorrow."

"Dr. Shepherd? Why this sudden interest in neurology?"

"I mean Dr. Montgomery Shepherd." Miranda raised an eyebrow at her. "I want to keep her company. It's not as if I would not work she's a patient, and I'm sure I'll learn many things while I'm with her and if you want I'll do some paper works at the same time."

Miranda sighed. "Okay, just for tomorrow."

Izzie smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

The following day, Izzie came to work at the usual time but instead of heading to the locker room, she went to Addison's room, she waited for Addison to give her permission to enter before opening the door.

"Izzie, what are you here?"

"Good morning."

Izzie puts a large bag on the bed, and began to empty its contents. "I brought shampoo and conditioner." She said, pointing to the bottles. "Some magazines and nail polish. We'll have a girl's day."

Addison stared at her and felt the tears in her eyes. "Don't feel obliged to do this."

"I doing this out of compassion, a good doctor must have some."

Addison smiled at her. "Thank you Izzie."

* * *

"Are you going to ignore me all day?" Derek was in Addison's room, holding her company while doing some paper works. Addison has completely ignored him since was here, at the beginning he tried to get a few words from her without success, he has finally decided to give up knowing that she will talk when she wanted to.

"I don't work today; I've all the time in the world." Derek said with a relax attitude, he was far from feeling. Addison continued to read her magazine as if she hasn't heard him.

"You don't even want to talk about the divorce I'm sure you have something to say."

"Did you sign?"

"No."

"So, I have nothing to say."

"You won't speak to me till I signed."

"Exactly."

"Talking is cheap anyway." Minutes passed and Addison still continued to give Derek the silence treatment, which started to irritate him.

"Addison, this is ridiculous. How do you want us arrange things between us if you don't want to talk to me?" Addison made a zipping motion across her lips. "Okay, I'll do the talking and you'll listen." Derek took a deep breath and started again. "I'm sorry, I'm not talking about what I've done to you here but also in New York when I started to give more importance to my career then our marriage, I'm sorry walking away instead of dealing with our problems, sorry for hurting you and taking you for granted. Today I'm ready to make all necessary sacrifices to save our marriage."

"For example."

"I'm no longer friends with Meredith."

"Not being friends with Meredith is a sacrifice." Addison asked with a slight anger in her voice.

"No, but I know it made you suffer. I'm ready to quit my job and leave Seattle if you want. I'll follow you wherever you want to go."

"You're ready to leave your two millions dollars year job for me."

"Yes, you only have to say the word and I give my resignation to Richard. What do you think?"

Addison closed her magazine. "What do you want me to say? You want me to give you a medal because you're not friends with her? An intelligent man who supposed to still loves his wife would never kept his ex-mistress as friend. Moreover, have you listened to yourselves? You want me to ask you to resign; you took the decision to come to Seattle without asking my opinion, so if you want to resign you must take the initiative to do so because you want it and not because I'm asking you. I would never ask you to resign, because I don't want you to accuse me of screwing your career in the future."

"I would never do that."

"There are many things you told me that you would never do like hurting me, cheating on me..."

"Let me remind you that you cheated on me too."

"Don't worry, I remember as you don't miss an opportunity to remind it to me. You say you want to try again, but have you forgiven me Derek? For cheating on you, have you forgiven me? "

"Yes." He answered without hesitation.

Addison looked at him with disbelief. "Really?"

"Really."

"So if I want to go back to New York, back in our house where I cheated on you and be friends with Mark again, it won't bother you."

"No, if that's what I need to do to stay married to you." Addison stared at him a few seconds then opened her magazine.

Later when Derek finally decided to go, Addison picked up the phone and dialed a number she was so familiar with. After the third ring a voice replied.

"Sloan."

Addison hesitated a moment, then spoke. "Hey Mark, it's Addison."

* * *

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Next Chapter, Next week or so I hope


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